How to control a stubborn child?

Behavior is an expression of what’s inside. let’s take a deep dive into child’s behavior and causes

To change the unacceptable behavior of a child we need to understand the cause or belief system of that behavior. once we recognize that cause , we can change the attitude by working on the cause .

CAUSE OF BEHAVIOR

Human behavioral science and child psychology says that the behavior is outcome of these 3 things.

INCIDENT

EMOTIONS

BELIEF

BEHAVIOR

Take for instance, in past child was scolded and punished by parents for bunking school . In future if child bunks school even then he will lie to his parents for he know he will be punished for truth and also child learns to keep secrets.

In above example, the incident happened was the bunking and when it was described to parents to whom he/she was emotionally connected the emotions generated by parents in his/her mind was fear and sense of not understanding , this creates this belief that i have not to tell anything that is not liked by parents due to which i will be punished. so behavior changed to lair.

The successful parents are successful because they correct the belief system and not the behavior of a child.

The cause of unacceptable behavior of our child is our (parent) behavior.

WHAT TO DO NOW

To correct child’s behavior we need to get connected to him emotionally. we need to create the emotional influence on child’s mind.

In research it is proved that the person listen to whom he is emotionally connected. Therefore the child will listen to whom he is emotionally connected.

Techniques to get emotionally connected to child.

1.Understand the intentions and feelings of child —

since behavior is result of feelings so we should know the feelings of a child. just knowing is not enough we need to honor their feelings and make them feel yes i understand you.

2.love and care —

This does not mean to pamper the child and ignore their mistakes. mistakes should be corrected immediately without delay. love and care means to show them that they are accepted as they are. They as well as their opinions are honored and respected

3.spend quality time —

This really works wonder. according to the age of child we can plan activities, games, prayers, story telling etc for spending time. No mobile, no TVs , no office work in between.

4.just be with them —

Spending time with child does not mean to know each and everything of their life. The time will come when they will grow up and we need to stop hovering over them. They need their personal space and we as parents should not interfere but respect their boundaries. They just need our support even when they can’t express things to us.

IN A NUTSHELL

The behavior is an outcome of attitude of psychology.

Behavior is formed from belief system which is formed by emotions connected to incidents.

Successful parents correct the belief system and not the behavior

To change child’s behavior we need to get emotionally connected with them.

To connect emotionally we need to understand their feelings, provide them love and care, spend quality time with them, and at times if they don’t share their problem we just have to be with them.

I talk more on parenting related topics on my private facebook group “conscious parenting feed” https://www.facebook.com/groups/267259747997579/?ref=share